Medictation Moments | A Lion, No Tiger & Three Bears

Opening up and it wasn't even meditation.

First honesty, I only meditated one day in the last seven. I couldn't face me. I wasn't wanting to look at anything to do with me.

Instead I've been meeting my subconscious in dreamland. I've had some wild and amazing dreams. Aliens, hostile takeovers, moving to New York, drag queens and pancakes.

Last night for instance I dreamt of a lion, 2 chihuahua's and The 3 bears as in Papa bear, Mama bear and Baby bear. The three of them were peeking at me through a screen in a window. It was fun and funny and I wasn't afraid - at all.

Then I was sitting in a room with lots of double swinging doors. I could see outside because the doors were flapping in the breeze. I caught a glimpse of a man and lion playing on the lawn. The first glimpse I thought the man was running from the lion. The second and third glimpse confirmed they were playing.

Now, none of these sets of doors had locks or clasps. The doors all led out to a long and wide veranda which had stairs leading down to the huge expanse of lawn.

I was afraid the lion would get inside. I was afraid the lion would hurt me and eat the chihuahuas. I mentioned there were 2 chihuahuas right?

First one chihuahua pushed it's way through the door. My fear of the lion got stronger. The second chihuahua pushed it's way through the door and then I got really frightened. I started looking around for ways to block the doors.

I didn't see the lion again. I saw the bears again, looking through the window at me and I smiled and woke up.

I go up, started doing my morning things, e-mails, twitter, coffee, chauffer and after I get back, I start reading my RSS feed.

Hmmm, Havi has her Items post up and sends me off to meet Wendy Cholbi at http://www.yourwebcoaches.com. I'm reading and scrolling down the blog and what do I see - Christian The Lion.

I click to watch and wow tears just start gushing from my eyes. I mean I can't control them. I can't stop them. I don't know where they came from. I sob uncontrollably first watching the 1:17 video clip, then the longer clips...

I'm sobbing and wiping my eyes so I can keep watching and gasping for breathe because the sobs are so deep I feel nauseous.

I notice one of my dogs is standing beside me with her head down. I think she's positioned herself in one of her favorite 'pet me here spots'. I start absentmindedly petting her, still sobbing and wiping and gasping and watching.

She looks up at me and then back down. As I push my chair back to see what she's staring at I notice she has calmly, regurgitated her morning treats, directly between my feet. Nothing is on either shoe and my own nauseau is gone.

She calmly walks away and leaves me with the mess of tears, running nose and dog vomit.

I think, yeah this is the weirdest thing yet, who needs medictation?

Oh and that one day of medictation lasted for seven minutes and all I kept getting was my to do list for the day. I sort of suspected that might be the case and it was valid non-meditative feedback because I needed to be productively active that day.

You can watch the videos of Christian, The Lion below.

Medictation* Moments | Highlights from Week One

*everytime I started typing 'meditation' it became 'medication' so I decided in an effort to save myself some editing I'd call this "medictation". Yes it is awkward to say and that's about how I feel, awkward. Also, analytically speaking,this a prescription to help me open up to guidance from my higher self. So there.

I'll just dive into the highlights. Okay really they are mostly what happened the whole five minutes, I mean highlight, five minutes come on .... it's only five minutes.

Day One

Maybe 5 breathes in and out and a thought about Shiva Nata shows up.

That thought leads me to Havi Brooks who introduced the words and concepts of Shiva Nata to me and I start wondering, (analyzing) the little bit of the still untried and unfamiliar concept of doing it wrong, is doing it right and if you start to do it right, then it's time for a higher level and of course the analysis takes me to 'if the point of doing Shiva Nata is to do it wrong, how do I know Havi is doing it right and how does she know if she's not and what level is she on and how many levels are there and . . . ?'

Oh, then I remember, I'm meditating. I listen to me breathing some more and wonder if time is up. I cheat and check the buzzer. It's only been 4 and 1/2 minutes.

Day Two

My mind certainly isn't focused on breathing nor is it focused on carnal thoughts.

I notice my hands are in prayer position and that they are located at my Sacral Chakra. Desire, sexuality, pleasure and procreation are not exactly the energy I'm trying to connect with.

I move my hands, still in prayer position, to my Heart Chakra and I feel a heartburn like sensation.

I start seeing thought forms (colors and shapes behind my eyelids) and I try to stop looking at them.

I don't really want my meditation time to end (or is it that I don't want to stop those carnal thoughts). Just then, I hear the buzzer.

Day Three

As soon as I start listening to myself breathe I hear, "Husband". I hear, 'Try to find', 'Trying to get', 'Work to get one'.

Chills and resistance and thoughts like, 'that's just wrong' and 'what about the agreement we made to never get married when we were little?' show up.

I bring myself back to my breath.

I notice my stomach gurgling and groaning and how 'stuffed' it feels. Wait, I haven't eaten anything yet. Why is my stomach feeling full and just then I hear the bip, bleep, bzzzzzz of the buzzer.

Day Four

I hear an unclear word ????tarian.

Then I immediately feel like my right side is solid and grounded and my left side is light and floaty feather.

I go back to focusing on breathing. I don't want the meditation to end.

My left ear has a sensation of warmth which spreads across the left side of my face and scalp.

The buzzer goes off. I sit for a moment because I'm feeling unbalanced. It's apparent that I am physically unbalanced when I teeter to the left after standing.. Uh-oh did I have a mini-stoke?

Nah but that feeling is a little weird and results in lots of journaling and googling and reading. My analytical mind tries to make sense of all this.

Day Five

Thoughts of past boyfriends show up immediately and fade quickly as I focus on my breathe.

I notice the same right side - solid/grounded, left side - light/floaty feather feeling.

Five minutes passes quickly. The buzzer sounds different, softer, less intrusive. I could have almost ignored it. Did I change the tone? No.

Day Six

and

Day Seven

didn't happen. The previous five days was maybe a little too much to start with.

Synopsis

I'm am still ambivalent about medictating.

I know, it's seems like the right thing for me to do or I wouldn't have received so much feedback in five minutes.

Of course now that I've said it's very possible the Law of Opposites will kick in and next week, there will be NO feedback. Which is it's own form of feedback. Gah analysis stopping now.

Okay and at least I know why I sabotage any relationship before or just after it becomes a serious relationship. An agreement with myself to never get married. I sort of remember that but I think this adult me needs some more information.

I might even meditate for more than five minutes this next week or not. I'm asking myself if I need to know the answer or if acknowledging the agreement is enough.

Well see next week.

I'll see you in the Medictation Moments next week.