Thursday, January 22, 2009

How Fear Spreads | Thursday Thinker

I'm starting a new tradition for myself. No, not a thinking tradition, a sharing tradition, where I share some of what I think about.*

So here it is. The Thursday Thinker - the Fear thing and how it spreads.

I fear changes. Most people do. I fear changes because I don't know what will happen. I would feel so much better if I knew what would happen after the changes, wouldn't you?

So somehow thinking about fear, shifted me over to dandelions. Yeah, dandelions, those wonderfully goldenrod colored flowers that hide themselves after the sun sets and only reveals themselves again with the rising of the sun.

Did you know, overnight they can go from a beautiful flower to the seed head?

Once the dandelion morphs into the seed head, any movement stirs up and blows as many of the puffy little cottonesque spores off the stalk.

Those seed spores can travel a long way with their little parachutes and in the process fill your yard with an abundance of themselves. That's how they spread. It's just what they do to survive.

You didn't even have to actually do anything for them to spread. Nature does her thing. The spores do their thing and you get dandelions all over your yard. Nature is all about spreading and sharing her abundance, isn't she?

What if fear is like that? What if we don't have to do anything for the fear to spread all over our life? Isn't fear part of nature too? Is the process the same?

Anyway, that's Thinking Thursday. Share your thoughts in the comments but, only if you want to.

Want to share your thoughts somewhere else? Share where that is in the comments.

Okay just comment. Please.


(Thanks to Havi with her rituals, authenticity & quirkiness or I wouldn't be sharing anything real yet!)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Past, Present...Future | The Emotion Connection

When this blog started in 2006, I was feeling the sting of my last single friend getting engaged, my most recently married friend becoming a mother and my very, very best friend coming out of the closet.

I felt shitty - confusion, anger, self-loathing and had just learned about blogging. I thought at the very least, I can channel some of that into a blog.

I was on the right train, but got off at the wrong stop. Just after all that happened, I bought my first e-book called "Blogging to the Bank" by Rob Benwell and I thought, oh-ho-ho-ho, make some money channeling onto a blog, talk about win-win-win.

I read the e-book and in theory it all sounded just peachy keen and doable.

In practice, well the archives tell that story very well.

So what happened?

Why couldn't I get a simple blog going? Simple, yeah and simple ain't easy.

Fear happened. Confrontation happened. For the love of all that is logical, analytical and common sensical in the world, emotions came up instead.

Delusions of grandeur showed up - What if this product doesn't help everyone?
Shame stood up beside ridicule and asked - What if we get laughed at? What if friends and family find this and see our deepest darkest secrets?
Fear of success AND failure pipped in - What if it doesn't work, what if it does (see shame and ridicule)?
Finally esteem and worthiness questioned - What if were just too stoopid to do this?

Wait, that last one cut deep, what if I am just to stoopid and not good enough and will always be single and will die an old dried up bitter black woman with 10 cats and 20 dogs who are emaciated and ill-cared for and, and....and...

That's when I realized, writing, in and of itself would make me face all that stuff, plus the other stuff hiding under the first stuff.

I didn't think I could face any of it and I definitely couldn't share it.

So I didn't share it.

I did start writing though, in journals. Next, I wrote morning pages, which became late night, after work, man that pisses me off pages.

I scribbled on scrap paper while I was driving.

I composed in my head and then immediately forgot what I composed when I went to write it down. So I found an old mini-cassette recorder (hey don't laugh.)

I realized I was running from something, no someone, from myself or at least half of myself, possibly my best half.

I was running from 'emotion' like it was "The Creature from the Black Lagoon".

I wasn't really running, suppressing, yes, avoiding, yes, ignoring and pretending, yes and yes.

All that came up when I decided to write a niche blog on finding a soulmate. Go figure.

No way I'm sharing, no freakin way. It was too new, too raw, too real and to use that to make money - ick, yuck, tft, tft, tft.

That was then.

Now, my present reality tells me it's time to find some strength in sharing and to acknowledge publicly that I have real, complex, confusing emotions. That I don't even know what some of them are called yet. And it doesn't matter.

Balance, that's where I'm aiming.

Ready. Fire. Action - Get Blogging To The Bank by clicking the image below.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Thursday, January 08, 2009

What Are YouThinking? | Thursday Thinker

What Are You Thinking?

Your boss fires you, the Department of Labor denies your unemployment benefits.

What are you thinking?

I'll show the department of labor, how dare they deny me.
It's my boss, the HR person, the office admin fault, they told a lie on me.
I knew the boss, the HR person, the office admin never liked me.
I can't believe this is happening to me. Life is not fair. I deserve better than this.
I'll fight this denial until I'm blue in the face. I'll show them what I'm made of.

Wow, I've just been given a really great opportunity to learn a lesson about myself.

I've asked the question on twitter too.

My thoughts are in the comments and you are welcome to leave yours there as well.

P.S. - Twitter is where I met Akemi Gaines who has marvelous insight on the emotional rollercoaster ride of job loss. You can check out her Job Loss post and I recommend clicking around in her archives as well.

I'll update this post with responses from twitter if you aren't following the conversation there. Wait, why aren't you on twitter yet following me ===> SingleMinna <=== and all the other great folks there?