Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Coming To Terms - The Rat Has a Reason | More Lessons Learned

Ah, nothing like the feeling of being the piped piper helping rats commit rat-kari.

Still, I'm the only person I know in my immediate real world surrounds, willing to look at the very reason this problem keeps happening.

Because, no sadly, it is not the first time, we, the members of this household, have had this problem. And any problem which continuously repeats itself has a lesson in it which remains unlearned.

So I begin asking myself what I might need to learn and need to practice to keep unwanted varmints out of the home space.

I sit quietly, fan whirring overhead, cigarette smoke seeping from under the bathroom door and I ask the question, "what is my lesson?" and listen for an answer.



Yes boundaries. Boundaries separate. Boundaries define.

So I need separation and definition?

Your boundaries are weak. There are gaps and holes. Space for sneaky varmints to access your space. Take action, look for the signs, seal the gaps and holes. Protect your boundaries.

Okay, I get that to keep the varmints out but we're not talking about The Rat anymore are we?

We are talking about boundaries.

But The Rat & the poison &  the rat-kari, what about those things?

Those are questions of boundaries.
Do you invade the boundaries of others and leave signs of yourself scattered around?
Do you find the weak spots of others and of yourself and exploit them?
Are your own boundaries well managed and maintained?
Are you providing a home to the varmints, either intentionally or unintentionally?
Are you willing to do what it takes to secure your boundaries?

Uhm, honestly yes, yes, no, yes and maybe. What will it take?

Open your mind.

Huh, open my mind? What's that mean? How is that helpful in establishing boundaries?
(I can feel myself getting frustrated because I really am still stuck on / in the "well if they aren't willing" energy.) So I take a few more deep breaths and realize. . . It's time for me to leave.

And all the stuff shows up. I've been selfish. I'm not really being helpful. I think, I am not honoring them by being here. I'm invading and leaving signs and committing my own form of hari-kari. I feel sad, small, frightened,alone. It means finding a job, in this economy and a place that will take two big dogs and money and furninture and food and my how a job isn't self authority and only proves how weak I am and poor me and I'll never make it and damn, Damn, DAMN. And a very long and protracted,


Open your mind and connect with your heart.

More long and protracted sighs and that tingling sensation from my scalp and . . .
nothing. There is no heart connection. I don't know what a heart connection feels like. Deep belly breaths. Time, I need time and a job.



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