Sunday, March 15, 2009

Tricks to Congruent Myselves

I'm actually really excited. I finished writing something. No, it's not a bio-box. Although I have an idea about why that isn't getting done.

And sadly I can't share what I've finished writing with you because it was for someone else. The down side, I'm not really getting paid. Which is okay, although I would like to get paid for writing. It was more an exercise for me to see if I could finish writing something.

Now the copy that I wrote is going to be "tested" it and if it brings in sales then I'll get to write more with payment from the group.

I guess that makes me an unpaid copywriter. Woot! or maybe woot because it is unpaid. But I FINISHED WRITING SOMETHING!!!!!!

The bio box though, that's difficult and different. I realized as I was rummaging around in my brain this week that I don't want to put my name or any name on anything that has to do with writing unless it's here on the blog.

I started wondering about that. Questioning myself and I realized here, on the blog, I'm having fun. Not to say I'm not having fun with other writing things, uh yeah it is. I'm not having fun with those other writing things I'm trying to do with pen names and the such.

Here is my exploration space. I've been living by societal conventions for so long, just doing what I'm told to do by whatever authority figure happens to be intimidating or impressing me at the moment is automatic.

I feel like the Ella Enchanted

I wanted to stop being intimidated and impressed. Mostly intimidated and I want to think for myself about what I want to do and then do it.

So when I found the bum marketing idea, I became my own intimidator. Eek, I'm my own authority figure and my little girl is all, "whoa there kimosabe, I'm here to experiment and have fun. I ain't doin' none o that writin crap for money cause makin it make money makes it not fun anymore."

She pouts and that's when we write the 100 word fiction. She thought that was fun. I thought that was fun. Yet when we went to use that process in the bio-box, the screeching brakes left skid marks in my brain.

So a case of rubber burning and us getting no where. The only reason we got what we got written was the adult me tricked* little girl me. But the trick is really on adult me because uh hello, payment?, that money thing that makes the world go round, not so much forthcoming. So who's tricking whom in this scenario?

That's why the bio box isn't written yet. Adult me wants it to be completely and totally professional. Little Girl me wants it to be a fun flight of fancy. I'm trying to find an internal mediator but I think she went of vacation. Or their is a wonderfully wonderful person who can write something for me, pretend I didn't think say type that.

Adult Responsible me - write the damn bio box
Little Girl Me - the bio box is boring, write more 100 fiction
Mediator Me - . . .

This isn't about me getting someone else to do the work. This is about me being my own authority figure doing what I need to do and trusting that I will do it. Oh and trusting that I know what I need to do.

That's what all this is about.

Re-learning how to trust myself, my intuition and taking responsibility for my life.

I know I'm not alone but I am The One.
That sounds so corny because of the The Matrix.

Heidi Fischbach says so eloquently, "I am the one I fall asleep and wake up with in sickness and in health, so help me God. No matter who else may come along or go away, I’m the one that stays. And if I can’t be OK with me, who can, I ask, who can?!"

I'm working to gather all the parts of me and get them on the same page at the same time, congruentme, or something like that.

*It's really a sad thing that I have to trick any of the parts of me to do things but we all do it, could someone confirm that for me, you probably just don't 'think' about it as much as I do. Which is cool. I think, I think too much sometimes.


  1. "This is about me being my own authority figure"

    Amen to that! And damn, when you've spent your life so far doing what others said to do, it's hard to find that voice, right?!

    I think my 'trickery' would be rationalisation. I can rationalise pretty much anything to make it ok (with dollops of denial for backup). Actually consciously trying to trick myself though? Never works and always feels icky.

  2. I've been tricking the tricker for so long I didn't really notice the 'icky'. It feel into the realm of unconscious competence.

    Trying to trick myself to write about something that was intended to make me money, because some external authority figure says it's okay, brought me back to conscious incompetence.

    I feel as though I am learning all over again. Wait, I am learning all over again.

  3. Hello-stopping by from Haitian family of three, I wanted to thank you for your honest and kind comment of my last post.

    Thank you for your words, it means a lot to hear what others think and believe, and you are right my girls hair is beautiful as long as its healthy.


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