Wednesday, August 04, 2010

The Fire In The Mountain

Last week I viewed the beauty of the valley, from the side of the mountain while also acknowledging the destruction and rage found in the valley. And we found a smooth sided triangle holding all of this pain, despair and rage.

As I was soon to learn, the interior of the triangle was in fact a volcano of unexpressed, repressed, boiling and bubbling up from the core of me, emotions.

The rage and destruction of the valley was being caused by the emotions finding and exploiting the fissures and cracks in the mountain itself. The mountain held a lava pool of emotions which were rising and slowly dissolving the inside of the mountain. The lava pool hadn't reached a deadly eruption, yet it is close.

The fissures and cracks in the mountainside have been helping to release the pent-up emotional energies, which in turn has been destroying the valley I want to preserve. The very valley I hid from myself with a protective fog.

This was all "seen" as imagery during the first few rounds of tapping on 'loving the feminine parts of myself' my emotional, ever changing, tumultuous, yet nurturing and loving parts, which I've rejected for so long out of fear of continuous hurt.

Jane introduces Matrix Reimprinting.

Download a complimentary chapter from the book "Matrix Reimprinting: Using EFT" by Karl Dawson and Sasha Allenby. (Just right click the underlined text and "Save as" in Internet Explorer and "Save link as" in Firefox).

I don't honestly recall the full process of Jane's introduction but I do remember her asking me to picture an event in my life which had the same feelings I was experiencing at the moment.

The feelings I was experiencing included despair, grief, resignation and loss.

An event came to mind immediately and it was from a summer, 21 years ago, after my high school graduation. I was living with a friend who didn't want to be alone as she faced the impending birth of her son.

I'm remembering a very specfic event from that summer - I'm about to have sex with a boy I like and whom I believe having sex with will make him like me as much as I like him - when Jane asks me to ask the "echo of myself" from 1989, if it's okay with her, if the adult me from 2010 be there and help her with some of these feelings of grief, loss and despair she's having.

This is when it gets woo-woo with the quickness.

As I was asking the question of the "echo of myself" I remembered an odd exchange with the boy. We had decided to wait until morning to have sex and in a dream that night, the me from 1989 was talking in my sleep, in which I answered the question from the adult me out loud and the boy woke me up asking me who I was talking to. I clearly told myself to remember the dream moment because it felt so strangly surreal.

I wrote down as much as I could remember, the next morning, with the intention of "keeping a written record of my dreams". I'm almost certain that loose leaf piece of paper is in a notebook of my poems and writings from that time.

I guess I don't have to ask if the dream was real or not now.

The piece of information vital to the story I tell myself about my loveability and deservedness and how truly opti-freakin-mistic I remain was revealed in what happened after the sex, with the boy I didn't ever see again. 

As I replayed the event and interacted energetically with the 1989 me, Jane had me freeze frame the action at certain points and do a tapping sequence for that girl from 1989 by tapping on myself in the present.

Why don't I find this odd? Because I know that all the memories we create are held in the synapses of our brain. I also know those memories leave small and lingering electrical charges in all of the muscles used by our body during the actions in the event.

These synapses are available for re-firing as long as there has been no traumatic damage done to the brain through injury or loss of blood flow. Also the muscle memory will fire off information to the brain as well, creating further firing of other related synapses.

I personally use this ability daily without prompting. So do you. And I'm beginning to use it frequently with  conscious and subconscious prompting through EFT and now Matrix Reimprinting.

Do we all have it? Yes, we do.

A few examples:

Do you have to think about firing the synapses to tell each and every bone, muscle, sinew and joint to move when you move your fingers, when you smile, when you stand up or turn your head?

No and that's because the muscle memory and synapses in the brain automatically fire without your conscious awareness any longer. They remember the movements you've made, the actions you've taken over and over again and they fire because you've practiced doing those things, over and over and over again.

Is it useful to use it consciously to heal ourselves? Yes and No. I hasten to add, not everyone is ready to use it consciously in their healing process. If you are not ready it may do more harm than good. When you are ready, you'll use it.

I'm applying this same process consciously in a very specific context - my healing journey.

Once I was able to process the emotions and my responses to those emotions, I had a few other memories and patterns flood in.

We were nearing the end of our hour together so Jane suggested we do a round of tapping to help release the residual emotions and to solidify the positive information I'd received about my loveability.

Later during the week and in our next session, I deep dive in these newly revealed patterns from different events, set many years apart.

Stay tuned for the deep dive into A World Within Letters.

Until next time,



I know I've been torturing this metaphor of valleys and mountains. Originally the valleys were the lows, the "bad" and hard emotions of the depressive state, the ones we don't like to deal with and that make most people uncomfortable - grief, depression, pessimism, anger, neediness, shame, suicidal thoughts, disgust, fear, rejection …

Until we are willing to deal with them, by not pretending they don't exist, we keep a part of ourselves trapped in those very emotions. EFT, NLP and Matrix Reimprinting all are healing those parts for me.

You can schedule an introductory session with Jane to see if you and she would work well together and how she can help you on your healing journey.

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