Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Me As A Novel Outline

Novel is being used as an adjective used most between the 15th century is defined as 1. new and not resembling something formerly known or used or 2. original or striking especially in conception or style

This from Deadline Dames and Dame Devon is about outlining for novel-length fiction. Only when I read it, it felt more like me outlining my life.

1. A character
2. In a context
3. Has a problem
4. S/he tries to solve the problem
5. And fails — tries and fails with greater stakes, tries and fails with even greater stakes (this is known as the try/fail cycle, and there are usually three major try/fail cycles)
6. Victory or death
7. Validation (denouement)
A character - that's me Minna, Minerva F. Bryant. I've always been a character or a charicature whatever. I tend to be chameleon like which is good if I'm with good people having good productive peaceful loving thoughts and not so good when I am with the opposite of good productive peaceful people having loving thoughts.

In a context - this particular context happens to be me striving to find who I am without all those people around and then continuing to project that once I am around any set of those people. Of course I would prefer being around the good people having productive peaceful loving thoughts and not their opposites, but I don't always control that and sometimes to my detriment can't distinguish the two because I'm not clear on who I am.

Hmm, editing that I heard in my head the refrain from Johnny Cash, "I walk the line". Hmphf, not dismissing it just reporting the facts.

Has a problem - the problem is that I've never defined myself. Never had the mind to define myself for myself without the input and pressure of whomever I happen to be with at the time. That undeveloped ability is hurting me. I mean deep down under layers and layers of other people's stuff, is me. I want to find her.

She tries to solve the problem - yeah that would be me not working, hermitting myself in an abode pretty far away from much of anything. Sure I get out and I go places but most of the time it's alone or with someone I'm dropping off and then I interact briefly with other people. There are only two places where I've had long term interaction (more than an hour) with people. It's hasn't turned me off to interacting except. . .

And fails - I've caught myself becoming like them, mirroring them, speaking with their accents, subscribing to their thinking even though I don't want to. I call that a fail because when I step away I'm no longer even aware of some things I've said, that's my caricature thing. I don't like it and I don't want to do it anymore hence, (it's good job noticing and reporting in but since that is not being measured) it's a fail.

I started the isolation by getting a job that required 14 to 16 hours of my day on purpose. It was a job I could do easily and without too much stress or strain. Or so I thought. I lost the job. Which was my fault and am now using the lack of a job as an opportunity to isolate further, on my terms mostly.

I'm learning what I think and feel and how I respond. Then I'm noticing how close or far away I am to what I think, feel and how I respond when I'm with other people. Had I read any of the philosophical stuff or esoteric stuff I might call it awareness, conscious awareness or something like that, only I haven't read any of that stuff, so I won't give it a name.

Even though I'm noticing more, it still feels like a fail because I've yet to reach congruency and I've yet to determine congruency with what exactly.

Victory or death - Even though I'm noticing more, it still feels like a fail (that's a feeling, it is not in fact, FACT) it's just an energetic impression based on previously held responses to not getting exactly what I expected to receive. I'm not sure I stated that very clearly. Saying anything with two dimensionality which is then translated into 1's and 0's sent through cyberspace and then re-translated back into two dimensionality for you to read, isn't very 'well rounded' is it?

Validation - I'm learning and growing and that is life. That's enough (not nearly enough really) but it's what is right now. So it validates my attempt to solve, what I perceive(d) as a problem.

All that sounds really good to part of me, really corny to part of me and just plain out there in some other far away world to part of me.

So I'm going to go read the rest of Dame Devon's post now. And find out more about the outline process from Algis Budry's "Writing to the Point".

Hah, I just looked at the url for Budry's book and it's under Non-Fiction. Just noticing.

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