Saturday, February 28, 2009

Start Where You Are

"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." ~ Arthur Ashe~
Welcome to what may become a series of interviews.

First let me introduce you to our guest.

To start, he is the original creator of aversion therapy. He originally kept us safe from spoiled foods, poisonous plants and other things that might harm and kill our physical body. He continues to do those things today as well as help us rethink our reason why and change our existing but unwanted habits. He hopes to help guide us back on the path of our dreams when we no longer notice that we are straying from that path.

Please welcome Disgust.

Minna: Did I do a fair job of introducing you?
Disgust: Yes Minna, you did actually. The thing is most people are fine with the physical part of me but don't see the emotional part of me that way though.

Minna: What do you mean?
Disgust: When most people think of me they want to get rid of me instead of use me. They say or think things like, "that's disgusting, get it out of here." or "You need to get rid of that disgusting habit." I've even heard people say "Oh My God that is disgusting, I would rather die first than than do something so disgusting."

Minna: Wow, I have to apologize Disgust, I'm certain I've said one or many of those things or something similar and I'm sorry.
Disgust: It's okay. I'm not mad about it, it just becomes rather frustrating for me because I really am here to help.

Minna: Well Disgust, let's talk about that. I appreciate you keeping my physical body safe, but how do you propose to help people rethink their whys or change our habits or even move us back to the path of fulfilling our dreams?
Disgust: The first thing I would say is if you see me around, especially when it relates to something you really do want to accomplish, instead of trying to get rid of me, wonder about why I'm there.

If you want to accomplish a task, or should I call it a goal, whatever, if you want to accomplish something but the way you want to accomplish it has me show up, then probably it's not the something you want to accomplish, it's the way you want to accomplish the something or the why.

Minna: Wow, Disgust, so you mean when you show up, you're not really trying to stop us from doing the 'something' we want to do, although if it's something to do with the physical body you are trying to stop us from doing that to keep us alive. When it comes to the emotional part of you, you're just trying to get us to notice how were going about doing that 'something' and how it doesn't sit right with our values, core beliefs or doesn't move us closer to our dream. Is that right?
Disgust: You got it. That's usually all. When people notice this as an emotion, they like to use the idea of 'cause and effect' and most people have the cause wrong. There is always more than one cause. I have a really good example if I can talk about you for a second.

Minna: Sure, go ahead
Disgust: The first time you noticed me, you initially thought your writing was the cause. But as you discovered yesterday, it was really because you had stepped off the path of your dream. At first you thought the cause was what you were doing, but you've come to understand it's why you wanted to do what you were doing. I have no problem with you doing what you are doing. I showed up because you needed to reexamine why you were doing it. Is that the conclusion you came to yesterday?

Minna: It sure is. But is that always the case? I mean would you show up emotionally for other people the same way you did for me?
Disgust: Typically, although there is no hard a fast rule about it. I am part emotion after all. Take someone who is unhealthy and overweight. I show up once they are good and tired of being unhealthy and overweight. I do the same for smokers, people in bad relationships, bad jobs and so on.

Once I'm there it becomes easier for them to start noticing the why associated with their actions. Do you understand what I mean? When I show up emotionally, I'm not there to stop you as much as I'm there for you to start noticing the why you are doing 'the thing' in the first place.

There are a lot of people feeling like and believing they can't stop doing 'the thing', whatever 'the thing' is, yet they can change the 'why' of doing 'the thing'. Sometimes that changes the thing they are doing. Sometimes it just changes the why and the thing moves in a different direction. I usually leave pretty soon after that. Not that I ever really leave mind you, I just fade out of awareness because I'm no longer needed in that moment.

Like you said in the introduction, I'm there as a guide back to the path they've strayed from. It's sad that so many just want to get away from me. It seems that happens more when guilt and shame are around. I don't like to hang out with those two. They cause me and the people I'm hanging with, more trouble than is necessary.

Minna: How do guilt and shame cause trouble?
Disgust: Well when guilt shows up, if I'm there hanging to, somehow it guilt starts talking to the person about how I shouldn't be there. How they need to ignore me or do something, anything to get rid of me. How I'm the one causing all the problems and if I would just go away then everything in their world will be ok.

Guilt is sneaky. He's the one making them believe they're not okay with me being there. He's the one fanning the flames. Guilt makes folks allow someone else's why to rule and guide what they are doing.

Shame isn't much better because she tends to cause massive paralysis. Instead of being able to begin uncovering a different and probably better why, she keeps them focused on and stuck in the why that isn't working. We all end up hanging out longer than is necessary the first few times but usually you guys get it after a while.

Minna: Wait a minute, I noticed you said probably a better why, don't you mean definitely a better why?
Disgust: No, neither the person nor I can ever really be sure. If I fade out of awareness, then we're 99.9% sure yet there's always a possibility the new why isn't the right why either. The only way to find out is to move forward using the new why and see if I show up again.

Minna: Wow, I have a new found respect for you Disgust and I don't want to take up any more of your time. Plus I need to test my own new why and see if were done hanging for a while. It's been really great talking to you.
Disgust: Thanks for talking to me and realizing I had something to share. See you around later, maybe.

I hope you enjoyed this first interview and Thank you all for reading.

Keep Being. . .Outside Convention

1 comment:

  1. What a cool way to have a conversation with a part of yourself. I had the image of a tv program with one of those generic blue backgrounds and two chairs with you and Disgust sat chatting comfortably but a little more formally than most of my conversations.

    Plus you obviously had taken time to get to know your interviewee first - very impressive!

    More please! :)


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